Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
5:40 pm
Fri October 25, 2013

Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank... but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT, WAIT...that's 1-888, 9-2-4, 8-9-2-4. Or you can click the contact us link on our website which is waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago Illinois and our upcoming show in Elkhart Indiana on November 21st. Tickets are still available! Hi, you're on WAIT, WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JESSE ADAMS: Hello. This is Jesse from Minneapolis.

SAGAL: Hey, Jesse, how are you?

ADAMS: Pretty good.

SAGAL: I'm glad to hear. What do you do there in beautiful Minneapolis?

ADAMS: I work for Target. I'm a systems analyst.

SAGAL: Oh, I've heard of Target. They're a fine store. What do you do for them?

ADAMS: I back up the travel and expense systems, make sure employees are loaded, things like that.

SAGAL: Right, OK.

MO ROCCA: Could you fix Obamacare?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Jesse, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. And your job, fill in the last word or phrase correctly, two of them do that you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

ADAMS: Sure.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.1

CARL KASELL: Only vampires shop here quite offin, so we need to make attitudes soffin. Nude models recline by our boxes of pine. We've got pin-ups with girls by a...

ADAMS: ...coffin.

SAGAL: Right. A coffin.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The Lindner Coffin company of Poland just released its 2014 calendar and it features 12 months of pictures of naked women posing on coffins, lying on top of coffins, leaning against coffins, sitting on coffins, ruining sex for you forever, on coffins.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: And where do we buy this?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You can look at it online. You don't need to buy it.

GROSZ: Well, I'd like to have it in my home, that's all. I just...

SAGAL: Yeah, it's true that sex sells but what are they hoping for here? That coffin's so sexy you won't be able to shut the lid.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: The shutdown knocked folks for a loop and the E.P.A. had to regroup. We cleaned out our fridge, it's our own heartburn ridge with a sixteen-year-old can of...

ADAMS: ...soup.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, soup.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: With most workers stuck home for 16 days during the government shutdown, somebody had to clean out the office fridge over at the EPA. And there, in the back of the refrigerator somebody found a can of Campbell's Soup from 1997.

ROCCA: From the last shutdown basically.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Somewhere in America, there is a Clinton Appointee feeling pretty guilty now...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...about the all-staff email he sent out accusing somebody of stealing his lunch.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's worth pointing out, this is the agency charged of being aware of the toxins in our environment.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Here in China we like pumpkin spice. But, oh dear, that's a real costly vice. Did you say thirty yuan? You're putting me on. Who on earth can afford this steep...

ADAMS: ...price.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, price.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: While we trouble ourselves with silly issues like health care, the Chinese government is taking on the scourge of overpriced lattes at Starbucks. A new 30-minute-long report on China state TV pointed out that Starbucks lattes cost a third more in China than they do here. How unjust.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Still, citizens there love it. They're anxiously awaiting the release of the seasonal Lead Spice Latte.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Jesse do on our quiz?

KASELL: Jess, you were perfect. Three correct answers so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Jesse.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

ADAMS: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.